Feature
Spring 2005
Email Writing Syndrome--Are You at Risk?
by Patricia Anderson
Email Writing Syndrome (EWS) is the latest debilitating side-effect of the email overload in our home and working lives. A delusional condition of varying severity, EWS causes susceptible writers to confuse the freewheeling, shorthand style of email messages with actual writing. To find out if you might be at risk, take the following diagnostic test:
Does this text look RIGHT?!!! To YOU - I mean. If yes - then you could be suffering from EWS . . . . . . . . . . .
EWS can affect anyone who sends a lot of email messages but must sometimes also communicate using traditional forms of writing: books, manuals, articles, term papers, corporate reports, formal letters, and so on. Emerging book authors are among those most likely to suffer irreversible damage, because to achieve their particular goals, they must meet a high standard of writing.
If you are an aspiring book author, EWS can't kill you, but taken to extremes, it is fatal to your writing style--and thus to your chances of successful publication. This is due to the adverse effects it has on agents, editors, booksellers, and readers. Overexposure to EWS can cause spots in front of the reader's eyes, dizziness, confusion, obsessive hair-tearing, uncontrollable cursing, and temporary psychosis.
The telltale signs of a book manuscript or other written work created under the infuence of EWS include:
There's no harm in bending the rules and indulging in some fun with your email. But if you're writing for a serious purpose, such as publication, then you need to adopt a stylistically healthier regimen:
- Break long paragraphs into shorter ones, up to nine sentences per paragraph in most kinds of writing; occasional one- or two-sentence paragraphs enhance drama or add emphasis.
- Use hyphens for compound words, such as kilowatt-hour, mass-produced, ill-favored, and so on. In sentence constructions, replace hyphens with commas, semicolons, periods, or em dashes, which are sometimes typed as two hyphens--as shown here.
- Use sentence fragments sparingly, to add punch to your writing.
- Spell out acronyms or abbreviations on first use, with the shortened form immediately following--as in: Email Writing Syndrome (EWS) is the subject of this article.
- Use ellipses to signify speech trailing off in dialogue, as well as time elapsed and/or repetitive action:
They walked and walked . . .
- Avoid using capitals for emphasis and keep exclamation marks to a minimum. Create emphasis, drama, or similar effects through language and imagery, punctuation, cadence, and occasional use of italics.
Despite all your best efforts to overcome EWS, relapsing is a possibility. For instance, when you write late into the night, you could find yourself gripped by a sudden manic urge to hyphenate, capitalize, or otherwise act out classic EWS. If this happens to you, here's my prescription:
Stop writing immediately. Go to bed, get some sleep--and email me in the morning.
While we're on the topic of style, carry on and read--or reread--the piece reprinted below:
From the HYGP Archive
Articles from the archive are reprinted in this space on an occasional basis and announced on the Home Page. Please check back for the latest reprint.
This spring, you might be preparing to submit your work to agents and publishers. If so, the reprint that follows will help you put a professional shine on your manuscript.
Spring Clean Your Manuscript
Ten Tips for Immaculate Prose
Copyright Spring 2003 by Patricia Anderson
Words are most writers’ great love as well as their
stock-in-trade. But in today’s world of sound bites, instant communication, and
short attention spans, few readers will tolerate cluttered prose. Your
challenge as a writer is to stimulate and maintain interest by making every
word count. This means tidying up wordy, weak writing that slows down and bores
the reader.
Here are ten tips for producing immaculate, readable prose.
Once you’ve looked them over, how about pulling out that manuscript and doing
some "spring cleaning" of your own?
1) Use -ly adverbs with restraint.
Slowly, quickly, sadly, happily, quietly, loudly--these
and many other such words that modify actions have a long history of overuse by
hack writers. The old Tom Swift series for boys was notorious and, in the
1960s, gave rise to one-liners known as "swifties": "Brr, is it ever cold in here," Tom said frostily. Or even
worse: "I can run fast," Tom said swiftly.
There are times when you might appropriately write something
like she spoke haltingly--and leave it at that. The trick is to avoid falling
back on -ly adverbs too often or using them when other word choices
would create a stronger effect. Compare, for example, the following two
sentences:
Weak:
"I hate studying," she said angrily and shut the textbook.
Better:
"I hate studying," she said and slammed the textbook shut.
2) Avoid strings of synonymous adjectives.
Don’t treat adjectives like a multiple-choice test, whereby
you list several options and leave the reader to pick the best. As the writer,
it is your job to select the most effective word. Occasionally, you might wish
to create atmosphere or emphasis by stringing together a series of roughly cognate
adjectives: a dark, black, inky night; a searing, hot, blistering summer day. But be aware of what you are doing, and why. And when unsure, exercise restraint.
Weak:
A great, huge, overgrown red setter lumbered toward us.
Better:
An overgrown red setter lumbered toward us.
3) Keep articles to a minimum.
Unless you’re using the or a for reasons of
emphasis or clarification, it often serves pace and readability to omit
extraneous articles from a series of items.
Weak:
Before going out, I put on a coat, a scarf, a hat, and a
pair of gloves.
Better:
Before going out, I put on a coat, scarf, hat, and pair of
gloves.
4) Don’t settle for easy word repetitions.
When we write a first draft, we focus on getting ideas down
in sequence before we lose our train of thought. To do so, we typically pick
the first correct word that comes to mind. The trouble is, all too often, that
word repeats one we just used. This is fine to begin with, but once you have
your thoughts down, don’t forget to go back and clean out the repetitions.
Compare the italicized words in the following two passages:
Weak:
He turned to me and said, "You just don’t get it."
Hurt by his accusation, I turned and headed out the
door. I didn’t know it then, but that was a turning point in our
friendship.
Better:
He turned to me and said, "You just don’t get it."
Hurt by his accusation, I spun around and headed out
the door. I didn’t know it then, but that was the true end of our
friendship.
5) Say said--or sometimes nothing.
Editors now frown on extensive use of substitutes for the
simple verb said in dialogue constructions. Groaned, moaned,
sighed, and similar words should at best be deployed at infrequent
intervals. You might also get away with a couple of animal noises if they are
not repeated throughout the manuscript. But do not allow your characters to snort,
snarl, hiss, and growl their way through an entire novel.
And whatever you do, don’t let anyone chortle.
To avoid constant repetition of said, a few words,
such as answered, replied, told, asked, are acceptable in appropriate
contexts. But wherever possible, avoid these, too, as in the second example
below.
Weak:
"Mary," he said, "I didn’t know you were still here."
"I came back to rest for a few minutes," she replied.
"Can I get you anything?" he asked.
"She shook her head. No, I’ll be fine," she insisted.
Better:
"Mary," he said, "I didn’t know you were still here."
"I came back to rest for a few minutes."
"Can I get you anything?"
She shook her head. "No, I’ll be fine."
6) Put connecting words in their place.
However, whereas, nonetheless, nevertheless, although,
therefore--these and other connecting words have their place, especially in
formal expository writing. But because they slow the pace, they are better
avoided in both narrative fiction and informal or creative nonfiction.
Weak:
Although Joe was exhausted after his sleepless night, he
nevertheless forced himself to go out for some fresh air.
Better:
Exhausted after his sleepless night, Joe forced himself to
go out for some fresh air.
7) Don’t bog down in redundancy.
Redundancy swamps the reader with excessive words. In the
first example below, the words slow, leaden, plodded, and endless all
suggest extended action. In a lengthy passage of this sort, the pace can become as leaden as the action described.
Weak:
With slow, leaden steps, he plodded along the endless path.
Better:
He plodded along the endless path.
8) Simplify the past.
Stylistically, flashbacks and other events occurring prior
to the simple past of the main story can trap you in unwieldy
constructions--including the dreaded had had. (Note: If you must use
this construction, then use the contracted form--he’d had enough, not he
had had enough.) Both of the examples below are correct, but the
second is simpler and ultimately more sophisticated. One strategy is to start a
flashback in the past perfect tense to cue the reader to a memory
or earlier event. Then retain immediacy of action and stylistic clarity by
continuing in the simple past, possibly with some careful word omissions.
Weak:
On a whim, she drove around the lake.
Years ago, she had walked this way often. How many times had
it been? In the old days she had kept count. She had had a good reason,
although now she couldn’t remember what it had been.
Better:
On a whim, she drove around the lake.
Years ago, she had walked this way often. How many times? In
the old days she kept count. She had a good reason, although now she couldn’t
remember it.
9) Make contractions work for you in dialogue.
In formal expository writing you have little choice but to
use the full form of constructions such as it is, cannot, what is, you are, I
am, and so on. But in less formal writing you can manipulate the pace and
create a conversational tone with judicious use of contractions.
Dialogue, especially, is affected by the introduction of contractions.
Their presence implies situations that are intimate, familiar, or otherwise
informal; they create realism by reflecting how most people really speak; and
they contribute to characterization by helping to signal the age, education, stress
level, and personality of the speaker.
With its absence of contractions, the first example below might just do
for a fussy British professor interrupting an argument
between two colleagues. But for most other characterizations and scenarios, the rigorous use of full forms produces stilted, unrealistic speech. The second
example is more realistic and could apply to a family situation, such as a teenager
confronting his battling parents, or alternatively, to an encounter involving three friends or colleagues.
Weak:
Martin burst into the room and stopped short. "What is going
on? I cannot believe it--you are fighting again, are you not? Well, I am fed up
with both of you."
Better:
Martin burst into the room and stopped short. "What’s going
on? I can’t believe it--you’re fighting again, aren’t you? Well, I'm fed up
with both of you."
10) Don’t borrow -ing trouble.
Using -ing constructions to modify actions or nouns is
a risky business. It can result in grammatical error, such as misplaced (a.k.a.
dangling) modifiers: Driving south along
the highway, several signs pointed us toward motels and restaurants. The signs
are not doing the driving. The corrected version is: Driving south along the
highway, we saw several signs that pointed us toward motels and restaurants.
Even when grammatically correct, -ing constructions
must be handled with care, or they can create silly and impossible time
sequences: Getting up from the sofa, she left the room. See the problem?
The two actions cannot be simultaneous--unless the sofa is almost in the middle
of a doorway, and she more or less falls out of the room.
In the end, stern editors and sophisticated readers dislike
-ing constructions because they are weak, and place the reader at one remove
from straightforward action.
Consider the examples below, all of which are
grammatically correct and sensible.
Weak:
Glancing at her watch, Rose knew she had to leave soon.
She waited a few moments. Then, getting up from the sofa, she apologized for
disrupting the meeting.
Better:
Rose glanced at her watch and knew she had to leave
soon. She waited a few moments, then got up from the sofa and apologized for
disrupting the meeting.
Better still:
Rose glanced at her watch and knew she had to leave
soon. She waited a few moments, then got up from the sofa. "I’m so sorry for
disrupting the meeting."
Like a messy home, a wordy, weakly written manuscript offers
little pleasure. The last thing you want is to make your readers wade through scraps of verbiage and stumble over piles of words. At times, of
course, you might wish to embellish your prose to create a certain
effect--rather like you might decorate your home for a special occasion. But in
general, and when in doubt, take the minimalist approach: Less is more.
Your writing will benefit--and so will your readers
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